Hey there,

I am getting married in just 4 months (cue internal screaming!!) but have become one of those “I bought the accessories before the dress” kind of people. So…what now?

The accessories are vintage-inspired, floral, and lux: a blusher by Twigs & Honey, pumps by Bijou, and a beautiful aquamarine pendant, courtesy of my husband to be. I know I don’t necessarily have to wear the necklace, but it’s the first piece of serious jewelry my fiance ever bought me and it’s my something blue! Regardless I can’t seem to find a dress that highlights my neck and is soft yet playful. And pockets! A bride needs some serious pockets, am I right? It’s not like I’m going to carry a clutch with me all night…

..by this point I don’t know if I’m being helpful or not, but I thought you might have something in mind.

Help! -Need a dress already

#####

NADA,

Well…given the time span, anything made to order is simply out of the question. And, since I don’t want to put you through the pain of finding something off the rack, I’m going to recommend J.Crew’s Kira gown. It’s simple, will let your accessories shine, and has ginormous pockets!

Available in size 0-14!

I’m not sure if you’ll love the ruffle neckline or not, but I know that pendant will. Happy shopping!

Hi Katherine,

I’m a 22 years old lovebird writing to you from Tennessee! My now fiance and I are getting married next summer, and I’ve decided I want to wear a dress worthy of a princess. Problem being, strapless is not an option. I have never enjoyed wearing strapless dresses and I’m determined not to on my wedding day.

But do spaghetti strap princess gowns exist? I am having the hardest time finding them online and in store. Really, go ahead and google princess wedding gowns now. All you get is a bunch of strapless pouf!

I just want something classic, with a bit of pouf, that flatters and has spaghetti straps.

Help!

Yours,

Not your average princess

#####

NYA Princess,

I never actually noticed this before, but you are correct! There really are not a large selection of spaghetti strap dresses made for a princess. Bizarre.

Thankfully, I spent far too long scouring the internet and have found something I think you’ll adore. Or at least I do.

Ivy & Aster’s Duchess gown. (And don’t worry, it comes in white and ivory.)

Hi Katherine,

After finding your tumblr, I read all the reader questions right away, hoping to find an answer to my problem. Turns out, there isn’t one at least not yet.

I am getting married this winter, New Year’s Eve to be exact. Yes, I know, New Year’s isn’t the best wedding date in the world but my FH’s family has a tradition of people getting married on that date. [I used to think it was bizarre everyone had the same anniversary but I’m over that now I guess.] A few months ago I went to your typical bridal salon here in PA, found what I thought was “the one.” There weren’t tears and only my MOH was there, but it was a good experience. That is until the shop suddenly went out of business. Now they say they’ll refund my money in full, which is fine and all, but now I’m out a dress and months of time! I scoured the internet, my friends searched high and low, and I eventually landed on this sexy, long sleeve number.

It came in the mail, it fit, and I feel really good in it. Until my mom Skyped me. She thinks it’s too trashy, but I’m only a B cup. When does some cleavage become too much cleavage? I generally don’t dress conservatively, I take chances, and I feel like this dress represents that. Not to mention, I think it’s a great way of taking into account the weather without wearing a faux mink coat or something of that sort.

Is my mom just being old fashioned, or am I just blind to the fact because I like how I look in it?

Thanks,

I just want to wear this dress!

#####

For starters, that sucks what happened to your dress.

On the other hand, I’m confused why your mom’s opinion matters so much this time around when it clearly didn’t when you picked the first dress. If you’re trying to make up for excluding her the first time around, picking this dress probably isn’t a good choice. But, if this is the dress that makes you feel like a beautiful bride, who is she or even I to stop you?

That being said, so long as you’re a B cup I think the cleavage will be fine. I’m not personally in love with the dress, but as long as you aren’t busting out I think it’s fair game.

And hopefully you aren’t getting married in a conservative church.

Hey Katherine,

I’m recently engaged, but planning a relatively soon wedding. We decided to get married in 4 months, mostly because we’ll be moving for grad school far far away and want to give our hometown parents a chance to throw us a wedding. As you can probably tell, I’m not the most bridal of brides. I like weddings, but the thought of making up my own and choosing everything makes my head ache.

But the one thing that has really mattered to me so far is the bridesmaids. I’m an only child but I have 6 bridesmaids, girls that grew up on the same street as me, went to the same schools as me (including undergrad), and ladies that are all around awesome. We have their dresses picked out (all different styles, but with straps, and various peach colors) but the one thing that’s wigging me out is the glasses. Two of my maids wear glasses all the time, out of laziness that anything else. They are lovely, beautiful women and I want them to look and feel great on my big day, but does that give me the authority to ask them to wear contacts? I feel kind of shallow about this but isn’t this standard for photo ops?

If you could lead me in any sort of direction or just tell me if I’m a mean bridezilla, I would appreciate it. I’m getting a head ache already.

Thanks,

So what if I’m a glasses hater?

#####

I think it’s funny that the one thing you’ve decided to nitpick is someone’s glasses, but to each her own.

Unless the frames are literally glued to the ladies faces, I’m sure they would be fine with wearing contacts for one day.

Just ask, “hey, would it be okay if you wore contacts for my wedding?” and I’m sure they’ll understand.

Hi Katherine,

Hey there - I was just hoping I could get your advice on a shopping venture for a very special woman, my mom. She is getting married in a little over 2 months to a sweet, sweet man, someone she has been with for over 8 years and has been a father figure to me. My father wasn’t a good husband or dad and him leaving my family finally allowed my mom to move on and do what’s best for her.

Soapbox over. What I really need is the world’s most special, unique gift for my mom. I don’t know where I would be without her and I want to express that to her on her real big day.

Do you have any ideas? I’ve been looking at jewelry, but things seem too generic. She’s not a “bridal” bride, as you might expect but she does love all things jewelry related.

I just want something to express how lucky I am to have her as a mom.

Are there gifts that actually show that?

Thanks for your help - From a terrible online shopper

#####

Don’t worry; online shopping is practically an art form. (HA!)

But, I’ve been saving this bracelet in my bookmarks, just wondering who I should buy it for…

…but I think it really has been waiting there for your mom. It’s Jeanine Payer Greta’s wedding bracelet. And I wish someone had given it to me on my big day.

Katherine,

I’m not engaged nor married, but I find myself writing to you because of my older sister.

My sister and I are only a year apart. We’ve been close for most of our lives, but now living on opposite sides of the country has none the less caused our communication to suffer. We still talk, we’re friendly, but neither of us has made the effort to see each other in the last 2 years.

Now back to today, we’re 2 months out from her wedding to a man that seems sweet, perfect for her, and all of that, but at the same time he’s divorced twice. TWICE! I have never been married and quite honestly haven’t talked about it with my boyfriend, but being divorced twice has to say something about someone’s character or at least someone’s judgment. Am I wrong on this?

I am flying in 2 weeks before the wedding. Am I crazy to want to talk my sister out of this thing? Should I just wait and spend some more time with this guy?

Should I stop this wedding??

—Concerned sis

#####

Concerned,

For starters, you yourself admitted you and your sister have grown apart a bit. You also mentioned you haven’t spent much time with your sister’s fiance, yet you think you have the nerve to hault a wedding?

I would recommend actually talking to your sister. You can certainly voice your concerns, but I think it would be best if you found out what actually happened in his first two marriages. I would agree with you that it’s a bit of a red flag, but you have no room to talk without knowing what really happened.

Talk to your sister, and do it now—don’t wait until 2 weeks before the wedding. You don’t want to be the one that destroyed an otherwise special occasion.

Dear Katherine,

I can hardly contain excitement as I write this —- I am engaged to be married!

Well…

..let me step back. I have a ring but he didn’t get down on one knee or anything of that sort. We’re eloping precisely 3 months from now. We live in Toronto, but I was born in Paris and haven’t been there in 12 years or so. We’ve talked for years about eloping there and it appears that it’s actually going to happen!

That being said, I am a painter by profession. I have no intention of buying a normal, white wedding gown. I want something romantic, something handmade, something that I won’t love for just one day but for a lifetime.

I realize that’s a lot to ask from a dress, but maybe you could just point me in the right direction? I’m in the beginning of my shopping phase, but we are eloping in a few months!

#####

You all know I’m not really a fan of elopements, but this really does sound romantic.

And, as someone who occasionally paints myself, I think you should wear this Dahl hand painted silk floral wedding gown. It’s nontraditional, ethereal, and to be quite honest I would buy it for myself if I had the money/a real reason to.

But, I would check with Alison—yes, the PR designer—right away because there isn’t a turn around time for the dress listed on the website. If worse comes to worst, you could always buy a silk gown and paint it yourself!

Hello there Katherine!

My sister found your blog a year ago when she was engaged and now that I’m engaged I’m reading too! You’re always so spot on with wedding advice and I was hoping you could help me out of a pickle too.

I’m LDS in southern CA which makes finding a wedding dress somewhat difficult so my mom and I took a road trip to UT and found a beautiful, simple, romantic, conservative dress. I really love it but lately I’ve been wanting a reception dress. S. CA in the summer means 90 degrees and up so I think it only makes sense for our outdoor affair.

But now the problem I’m having is finding a dress that is short, fun, but still modest. Do you possibly know of any fashion-friendly yet conservative desginers? Is there such a thing? I only spent 1/2 my budget on the first dress, so I could go up to $1000 on the reception dress but obviously the less money it costs the better!

Thanks for your help —- Mormon gal

#####

Alright, I’m going to try and do this without a photo of the dress but for all you brides out there thinking about writing in: include a photo about what on earth you’re talking about.

I don’t know about a “conservative designer” per say, but I like Whitney Deal’s Lola reception dress for your affair. The lace fits the simple, romantic, conservative you were talking about, but the cut of the sleeve, boat neck, and back are just enough to make it unique.

And at $785, it’s well under budget!

Katherine,

My problem is simple: what do I buy my best friend with a $$$ registry??? I’m her MOH and we’ve been best friends since birth. Literally. We were born 2 rooms apart and our moms are best friends.

But just because we’re best friends doesn’t mean we’re anything alike. In fact it we probably have more differences than similarities. Hence her wedding. I’m not married or engaged myself so I know I don’t know everything about weddings, but my best friend is having a $40,000 wedding with the bill footed entirely by her fiance’s family. Just seeing that amount of money spent on 1 day is enough to make me sick, but she’s my best friend, I support her, know it’s “her day”, and all that. I still think it’s weird that an illustrator for teen books who I know makes so little money would be okay with this but hey, that’s her conscience, not mine.

My problem is her registry. She’s registered with places like Nordstrom and Saks and the like, places I rarely go let alone purchase things at. In fact the cheapest thing on her registry costs $89 and it’s an ice cream spoon set. I kid you not!

This probably goes without saying but I am not comfortable buying a gift that costs over $100 after buying the $220 dress, planning/paying for the rental car for the bachelorette party, and the $500 I’m paying to fly my significant other to the wedding with me.

With all that rambling being said, do you have any ideas? Like I said earlier she’s an artist, so maybe the gift could incorporate that?

#####

I hear you on the expensive registry front. I always recommend couples pick gifts at a variety of price points but maybe, at those prices, they’re expecting people’s attendance to be enough?

But if I had to buy this illustrator a gift, I’d go with some Rifle Paper Co. botanical sketch books and some twig colored pencils.

Just an idea.

Katherine,

I know this is going to be probably your weirdest request. But maybe you’d like to help anyway!

My husband and I eloped last summer. Our families each have drama of their own we didn’t want to deal with at the time. We had been dating for 4 years and were going to move together to a different state so it just made sense and we couldn’t be happier about it.

That being said, we were broke twenty somethings, just out of graduate school. We moved to California for work right after we eloped and now we have jobs! I always said the first thing I was going to do to after we settled in was buy my husband a proper ring—he’s wearing a sterling silver one now—and one he really loves. I don’t want to get him a cookie cutter ring and this is where the weirdness comes in—I really want to give him a snake ring. I don’t know if such a thing exists but my husband is an animal trainer for movies and such, specifically dealing with reptiles.

Does such a ring even exist? Is there some magical, indie designer out there that specializes in reptile-friendly rings?

#####

Hmmm…I’m received some weirder requests, but I’ve never posted the answers publicly.

Lucky for you, serpent rings are a lot easier to find than, say, alligator rings or lizard rings.

If I were you, I’d go with Nora Kogan’s Endless Love ring. There’s also a matching women’s band bedazzled with diamonds if you need a ring upgrade too.

Hello,

Let me just cut to the chase: I’m getting married in 5 weeks! I am wearing to die for theia sequin mermaid dress that fits me like a glove. My hair is going to be down, curly, billowing, with a few pearlescent pins pulling back strands in the back. I’m wearing simple sapphire studs from my mom’s jewelry box and a bracelet from my fiance. The shoes, make up, everything is picked except for…I don’t know. I just can’t shake the feeling that I’m just missing…something. Everyone tells me it’s a belt, but all the bridal belts I ever come across are just more beading/sequins, which is not exactly what I need if you see what I mean!

Do you have any suggestions? I guess I could wear the dress without one..but I just feel so un-accessorized which is completely unlike me. I usually have to remember Chanel’s mantra before I head out of the house. Not having to do so on my wedding day would be so uncharacteristic of me.

Thanks in advance! —Beltless B

#####

So let me get this straight…you want me to pick out (so you can subsequently buy) a bridal belt that you already know you have no intention of wearing on your big day?

I guess there are weirder/worse things a bride could do.

Personally, I’d go with something with a little pouf, like the bottom half. How about this Nina satin sash?

Katherine, I need your help.

My fiance and I are in the early stages of wedding planning, as in we’ve booked a venue and nothing else, and now we get to move on to our outfits! This is the dress I currently have my eye on, and this is the suit my fiance has his eye on.

Now I know what you’re probably thinking—we have a ton of money. WRONG. My fiance is completely out of his mind, he’s just from the East coast and associates all things summer and wedding with gingham. It’s sort of ridiculous I know, but part of me doesn’t think he’s wrong. I like the idea, and if I could find this suit used I would.

So I guess my question is

—Does this suit exist secondhand?

—Is there a cheaper alternative??

Anything up to $500 or so would be okay and we really want to avoid renting.

Thanks,

Ga-ga for gingham

#####

I hope you aren’t too set on black and white, because I’ve rocked this one.

I’d go for an accent color tie or pocket swatch, and maybe contrasting camel shoes.

Jacket and pants from Zara for a total of $240!

Woohoo!

Hi Katherine,

I’m in a bit of a panic so I’m apologizing ahead of time if this email seems a frenzy.

My guy and I are 7 weeks from the wedding, you know, that time when you’re finalizing everything, collecting RSVP cards, and stuff like that. Well things were going great until the RSVP cards kept coming, and by coming I mean that 156/160 have said they can attend. WHAT??? How is this possible? Everything I’ve read from day 1 said to expect 60% or so to come. 156/160 is nearly 98 percent!!!

What this boils down to is this: we invited too many people—now what??? The good news is our reception venue could fit everyone; it’s a push but with the nice weather we can have the double doors open and a few tables outside. But the ceremony has no chance. The small church (my fiance’s) holds somewhere between 120-130, and I haven’t even reached the budget yet. I budgeted food/booze for around 110 and now we’ll be well over budget not just on catering but for the whole damnwedding as well.

At this point I guess it’s getting beyond control, but do you still have any suggestions? Can I uninvite people? Gah that just sounds so tacky. Should I move the ceremony outside? (If that’s even possible…)

Is there anything I can do at this point, besides take on some credit card debt?

Seriously freaking out right now,

Don’t ever listen to Martha Stewart Weddings

#####

Yikes.

For starters, take a breather, and take comfort in knowing you aren’t the first bride to run into this problem. Now I’ll start with the bad.

The bad news is you probably invited too many people. If you’re even considering un-inviting people—which, by the way, you ABSOLUTELY CANNOT DO—you probably invited a few old friends, co-workers, distant cousins, etc. that aren’t necessary to your wedding celebration. Paying for them to celebrate your big day is going to seem like a pain now, but hopefully you’ll get a cool present or two out of it.

The good news is you can solve the budget problem by starting to trim now. Were you planning on serving a signature cocktail? Dump it. Do you have a special band/music ensemble planned for cocktail hour? Cancel and have the DJ play something quiet in the background. Buy less expensive gifts for your bridal party. Send thank you post cards instead of full-sized cards. Cut out an entree option or leave ice cream off the cake. There are plenty of little things you can cut so you don’t go into debt. (Whatever you do, DO NOT go into credit card debt for your wedding.) Sure, your wedding may night be 100% what you thought it would be, but hopefully having EVERYONE there makes you happy in one way or another.

As for the ceremony space, I would figure out a way to move it outside, get more chairs, ask for younger people to stand, etc. ASAP so that people can plan accordingly. Who knows, maybe you even have a few younger attendees that would be willing to skip the ceremony all together and just come for the reception/party?

Good luck! And remember, DO NOT GO INTO CREDIT CARD DEBT for your wedding. You’ll regret it later.

Hi Katherine,

I don’t know if this is something you can help me on or not but I need an opinion of someone non-family.

Brad and I have been together for over 7 years and lived together for 3. We’ve been long distance, we’ve dealt with family deaths, and we feel married in every way other than we don’t own a certificate.

Two years ago, Brad bought me what would have been an engagement ring, only we didn’t want to plan a wedding. Fast forward to now and he’s in medical residency and I’m working an interior design job that works me to the bone. What I’m trying to say is that neither or us has time for a wedding. We’ve explained this to our family and I figure if we change our minds down the road we’ll just get married then.

However all our family seems to think this is bonkers! They want to know why we won’t settle down, get married, tradition, blah blah. I get where there coming from, really I do, I just don’t agree. To be honest, my time is valuable, so is a wedding worth my time?

There are still couples out there that don’t get married. Just look at the other Brad (and Angelina)!

Opinions?

— Not Angelina

#####

Not Angie,

You do know Brad/Angelina are engaged now, right?

The bottom line is, it’s your life. Whether you feel a wedding/marriage is important or not is entirely your (and your man’s) decision.

I am conflicted on my personal opinion though, since your attitude clearly suggests you don’t want a wedding yet you’re following a wedding blog…

Hi Katherine,

I just have a quick question. How about some wedding shorts? I’m getting married in Mexico, in July, on the beach, and I really don’t want to wear a stereotypical beach-y dress, or anything too hot! Are shorts really out of the question? I’ve been thinking these lace shorts from Zara would go great paired with this Diane von Furstenberg top.

Feel free to tell me I’ve gone crazy.

Thanks,

Hot for shorts

#####

Well, HFS…

…the good news is, I love the shorts! I vote you rock them, with the DVF top, and throw in some neon colored accessories, but not too many of them.

As for the bad news, I can’t guarantee you aren’t crazy; I may just be crazy too.